The tiredness of readiness “On Your Marks…get set…”

I’m really tired this week, and it has taken a while for me to realise (or maybe remember) this particular freelance syndrome which I get when a certain mix of situations arise.   Anyone get the same feeling ?…Let me explain.

I am poised with a mass of projects. I am about to get the greenlight and hyperlink so I can launch a marketing campaign for two very special performances at The Vaults. I am waiting to know whether I will be in Beijing in November to give a talk and run some workshops on the development of new writers and writing. [Sods law says the Vaults and Beijing dates clash.] I am waiting for 4 more weeks to hear whether the Arts Council is going to give me an r&d grant for a project I have been nurturing without funding for 2 years [and 4 actors are waiting to know whether they will be paid to be part of this journey]. I am waiting for a press release and small print to be checked so I can launch a 6 month project to champion playwrights in the UK. I’m waiting for a meeting with two Universities about long term projects. Oh and I’m waiting with an international partner to know whether we have a 2 year contract to run training programmes for theatre and filmmakers in one (or maybe 4) cities in a country I have never been to.

I’m poised. I’m waiting. I’m trying to be patient.

If all these jobs happen I will be manic and will be looking for my first Scottish paid producing/project managing assistant.

I was asked by a wise mentor a couple of evening’s ago whether I liked the freelance life, or whether I’d rather be employed in a University or somewhere full-time. I have just left the security of working nearly full-time for Mountview, in order to be in my new home, in my office overlooking the water, and get loads of new freelance things happen. I have my carrying case ready for my portfolio – I just have to remain poised and ready to find out what is in the portfolio.

As soon as I know whether one, two, three or all of the projects will get the green light with a loud firing pistol to set me off. Then I can see what other projects I need to look for to complete the mix.  And I can work out an answer to the question: “Hi Grady, what are you up to ?”

Starting / re-starting / or just preparing a new portfolio where everything seems out of my hands makes me feel unreasonably tired. Maybe there’s a “on your marks” syndrome. I guess the emergency services are trained to cope with this all the time. Maybe I’d better check in with my last producing assistant/associate who left the freelance producing world to join the police. He’ll be a good wise counsel.

Oh there’s the ping of an email…quick….will it be an answer to one of my questions. Oh how lovely, it’s a bookseller wanting stock of my book. “Your Life in Theatre” .   But I must still keep poised for the other projects to get a “go”…or not.



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