So often when a woman marries a man she bundles up her maiden name in a ‘nee’ and adopts the surname of her new husband. When children are born they have the father’s surname and that line continues through generations.
Yesterday I visited the grave of my paternal grandmother who I never met or knew about in her lifetime, but whose maiden name I am proud to have as my surname. It remains the name used by my first wife as an actor and for work. It is the surname of my son and daughter. It is part of my son’s Equity name. And it is the surname of my two granddaughters who will, maybe, go on to have children of their own and retain that name rather than becoming ‘nee Grady’.
As I explored the graveyard in St John’s Church in Bradworthy, Devon I found the grave of Stella Beddow. She did bundle up her maiden name when she married Bruce, and her son (my father) had his father’s surname. But then things in my family tree took a wee twist.
Rather than being brought up with my father’s surname and perpetuating the paternal line, my mother chose to distance herself from that name and adopt Grady as her surname. She changed her name by deed poll. She, my real mother, adopted me [not that uncommon in the 1950s] and so my name throughout my life has been Grady.
I wonder whether Stella was part of the naming decision. She was alive until I was at senior school, although I knew nothing about that side of the family. I now know that she and her husband knew I existed. I wish I had met them.
But we are where we are.
I had the pleasure of placing a few spring daffodils on Stella’s grave and thanking her, through the ether, for gifting me her maiden name so her legacy lives on through her grandson (me), her great-grandchildren, and her great-great-grandchildren. She “made her world a beautiful garden”.
Thank you – and now to wonder why she was buried in Devon ? – the mystery of my family tree keeps on giving more mysteries to solve#