11 plays published with the help of 32 actors and directors

Stagescripts 11@11

Well we made it. From an initial open submission of plays in November 2018, each of which had been previously professionally produced but not published; through the eyes of 25 professional readers; down to a longlist; onward to a list of 11 works by 11 writers; these gathered into a published script compilation entitled 11@11; and last night 22 actors and 11 directors brought the works to life in celebration.

We had bumps along the way and a couple of big setbacks. Firstly the trade press and major message amplifiers completely ignored us. No paper or blogger or trade writer felt this good news story was worthy of note. So we were on our own with just Facebook and Twitter and our mates to help.  [Honourable exception, the lovely folk at Brockley Jack shared it with some of their alum writers, and the Writers’ Guild gave mention in their newsletter].  Next time, if there is a next time, let’s hope I can do a better job of persuading the arts media that Stagescripts are doing something necessary.

And then the Arts Council turned a funding application down which would have allowed us to work with Theatre503 and engage (pay) actors to bring all the plays to life in a weekend of staged readings.  Thank goodness Steven Levy and Charing Cross Theatre stepped in to offer their Players Bar to us for free, and we had enormous goodwill from a team of directors and actors who volunteered their services for free to be part of a rollercoaster night of sharing.   Next time, if there is a next time, I hope the energy generated last night can help to tip us into the “yes” pile for ACE support.

Yesterday there was a moment when I was standing in the middle of a room with 8 directors rehearsing 8 different plays simultaneously in huddled intensity. By 6pm all 11 companies of actors were ready and the audience was gathered, we were missing just one actor who arrived for their 4pm rehearsal at 7pm (but hey the amazing director and cast had already prepared to double cast his role with an understudy from another company if needed, but our original actor was rehearsed during a 15 minute interval and delivered his role powerfully…the show must go on)

Our directors got me out of a couple of pickles of my own making – sending the actors one script and the director another, and casting one person to play a role which didn’t exist in the extract, and not casting one that did. Again by the magic of collective problem solving the audience won’t have noticed a thing.

When I used to produce the Vivian Ellis Prize at the Palladium or Drury Lane we had 8 companies of actors, 8 directors, 8 MDs, a week of rehearsal and a budget to pay them. We even had a casting director helping.  Last night was done by a wing and a prayer and a favour or thirty. Agents were great as we sought the more specific casting types – “now where can I find a 19yr old Albanian actor in London who is free on Tuesday?” or a 50yr old black French actor and a 40yr old Mandarin speaking Chinese actor.  The wonderful Billboard agency went one step further, asking for the whole casting breakdown and then doing me a full proposal of actors – not surprisingly 4 of the 22 actors came from Billboard and shone on the night in each of their roles.  Only one agent emailed me curtly “our clients do not work for free”.  Whilst I completely respect an actor telling me, or telling their agent, that this voluntary gig is not for them, I am saddened the actor I wanted to read a script and consider a role probably never saw the enquiry. They may also not have been available on a wet Tues in sept, but at least they’d have seen the play and might have been interested to talk to the writer and director.  In the end we had 3 possible 19yr old Albanian actors. I cast one of them and then invited the others to the show so they could meet the directors and the author, and just do the networking thing. 

On the night I acted as MC and eloquently introduced one play with completely the wrong setting needing the actors to tell me they were doing a different scene, and often offering mangled misreadings of many people’s names. My apologies…its why I work behind the scenes and always got people like the late great Sheridan Morley or Benny Green to read my script as host.  But we came through the evening with a great sense of joy and achievement.

Why did we do it and did it work ?  We believed that there were plays out there which deserved attention from professional, fringe and festival producers and directors.  David Waters wanted to extend the catalogue and have more reason to talk with the professional sector. We knew there are professional directors who crave to find exciting plays to champion, and even better if those plays already have a known track record and are by writers with experience and an abiding passion to tell important stories.  We realised that the “single use plastic…playwright” challenge written about by Paul Miller of the Orange Tree Theatre in the Evening Standard was a perfect complementary rallying cry. And we wanted to find ways to amplify the message and awareness of Stagescripts as an independent publisher overshadowed at times by the global brands and the script/programme publishers.

I think we have created a foundation of energy and goodwill with which to try to seek Arts Council funding and Media/influencer coverage for our work.  I have learned that, however mad and seat of the pants it was last night, the process is welcomed and does bring writers and directors together in a process of re-alighting work.  I was also delighted that the chance process delivered a very diverse spectrum of authorship, topics and meaty roles. That had been an aspiration but we did no adjustment to get to the 11 works – the cream rose to the surface.

And I loved those conversations happening around the room as the directors worked with their casts and authors – what is it like to be black and bisexual today in London, what was the union position for immigrant workers, especially the female workforce. Who was the prisoner in the cells, and what do you do when you are bored and drunk and bored and drunk and an expat living in Spain.  The actor’s task is to make each character sympathetic to the audience, and to get across in a 5 minute extract the essence of their world.  My goodness they delivered last night.

The plays launched were Thank you by Catrin Evans, Hungry Ghosts by Tim Luscombe, The Golden Fucking Years by Adrian McLoughlin, That Was All by Francis Grin, We Are The Lions Mr Manager by Neil Gore, Better Together by David Weir, Battieman Blues by Oscar Watson, Under A Foreign Sky by Paula B Stanic, The Shadow of the Mountain by Felicity Huxley-Miners, Almost Forever But by Robert Farquhar and Citizen George by Brian Weaving. You can download and explore more on the Stagescripts site here

Thank you to everyone. Next time, if there is a next time, we will need a bigger space for the audience and we should/could have some extra discussion with the authors on stage to enrich the night.  Will we do it again…let me breathe again before opening the portal into the “Grantium” Arts Council website which is not my favourite task.  Oh well, maybe since I’m on the train and the wifi is not working, I could re-visit the budget again.

Old Chris’s Schooldays – Part 2 – the lost boys

I have been worrying for the last week about something, and then yet another one of those circular letters arrived. Personally addressed to me and probably hundreds of other ex-pupils of my school it reminded us that “it made me what I am today”, “it gave me everything” and then “we are launching the Bright Futures campaign…to raise £1.5m”.  This at a time when insurers and the school are haggling over compensation to 10-20 people who were abused at the time of their schooling when in the school’s care.

All the focus seems to have been, quite rightly, on the ex-staff who are alive and have been brought to trial by the testimony of the abused. 6 staff have been found guilty.  In my last blog I wondered whether there were other staff still out there, still working with young people who needed to be extracted from the environment where they could continue to abuse.

But my worry today, and I promise to move to more joyful blogs about playwrighting and great shows soon, is wondering about those graduates of the school who were abused whilst they were children but the ex-staff member is now dead. No justice can be brought in a trial, and their names (I suspect) are not in the school’s radar when thinking of compensation and support.

On the radio this morning I heard a military commander talking about their experiences of war, or more particularly the fact that no-one could understand what it was like if you have not been in a battle. He talked of it being indescribable. He then talked about the need for groups where those who have been through it can talk and hear from a point of shared experience.  It struck me that there may be many many now grown-up “boys” and “girls” who have experiences that they cannot and have not shared with the world, and who need the same kind of help as those who are deemed the 10-20 victims of the 6 from Christ’s Hospital who are now in prison.

So I add a third question which I feel I need to ask “What is being done to encourage those who have been abused by those who have now died and never came to trial to seek help, and how can CH financially and practically help these people to live their lives?”   It is a big question. Even the 6 we know about moved around schools. It is a big task to look back at all the deceased staff who have gone through one school – but it is not difficult. The school has a wonderful Blue Book which annually lists every staff member, and most people who die are easily found through tributes on Google.   Someone needs to map the rumours “we all knew about x” and map them against death records, and then see where else they taught.  

I will be delighted if someone in authority reading this blog says “we are doing it” “we have a compensation scheme” “we are contacting every graduated boy and girl that we have records for”   And, if I were in the school’s shoes, I would refocus to this work and stop sending me and hundreds like me stuff about “Bright Futures” when first they need to clear up the dark past.  

I am sorry if this is hard reading. I couldn’t understand when a close artistic friend talked about going to retreats for boarding school survivors. I admired that he was bringing this pain out. But I was a happy chappie having had a great time at school.  As I have said before the rug has been pulled from under my feet. I suggest anyone holding a dark past looks at organisations like and then finds a way to challenge their school, and find fellow sufferers.   I have not been in battle. I cannot understand. I may be making no sense to those who have been battle scarred. Please tell me if this is an unhelpful blog. I can take it down immediately.

Old Chris’s Schooldays

Jennings and Derbyshire – the 1960s bible

I find my old schooldays a bit difficult to understand. 50 years ago this week I moved from my first boarding school near Arundel in Sussex to my new boarding home for another 7 years. I was just 11 years old.  I was an old hand at being away from home, dormitories, dining hall, being inspired by teachers, and avoiding sport.

Until 3 years ago I always described Christ’s Hospital as being the making of me, the happiest of years, a wonderful experience, with almost all my peers having enjoyed the boarding experience. And then the rug was pulled from under my feet as teacher after teacher was accused and found guilty of sexual abuse. I found school friends who had held their own attacks secret for 40+ years.  I watched, and watch, the unfolding story.

This week I had the opportunity to share some of my concerns and to meet with some of those who were survivors/victims of my time at the school. The school has been working with the police to help in the process, and I have been helping one of the victims as he brings questions to the school from many of the other survivors.

It wasn’t like this in Jennings and Derbyshire, or even Hogwarts.  I continue with my colleagues to explore the connections between abusers at our school and those who have been tried and convicted in other schools. I can’t help but believe there are many more connections than may seem obvious, but I’m only using google to see what seems to be hiding in plain site.

Why am I vexed by all this. I was not abused. I had a great time at my school. I learned my trade in theatre producing. I made connections which gave me a first job, and wonderful inspirations for years to come.  But others were abused, and they have buried their pain for so many years.  Of course it is different now with statutory checks on employees, safeguarding codes, safeguarding officers in schools, guidance for pupils. It is a different world.

I have two questions which I keep asking:  “Is there anyone that the school (or we) are aware of who could potentially, still, be in a position to abuse young people?”  and the follow on “What can you (the school), or we, do now to ensure that to the best of your/our abilities they are stopped / put out of harms way”.  I have no proof but enough sense that the answer to question 1 is YES and to question 2 is not / must not be NOTHING.

So for now I offer to my school my determination to keep working on google searching and talking to friends and colleagues in a way which could encourage people to come forward who might be able to do something, say something, or help.

My saddest sense of my old school is to learn that some of the early abuses in my day were reported, at the time, to members of staff. There was a world of silence and disbelief at that time.  For some at the school it was common knowledge at the time and talked about. I suspect there are staff and employees of the school still alive who knew at the time and said nothing. They must be questioning their consciences about staying silent and still staying silent.

I am told it is not possible or right for the school to approach retired staff and their families to encourage them to come forward with any information they may have. I am told that is impractical because the database is not there, and “disproportionate”.  But if there is a chance that there is an adult out there who is still in a position of influence over underage boys and girls who might have been an abuser or groomer in the past, then I hope against hope that one or their adult colleagues, ex-workmates, partners or friends will come forward and stop another young person from being abused.

Who could forgive themselves if, in 10 or 20 years time, another round of historic sex abuse cases come forward revealing another group of young people who were aged 11 to 16 in 2019 and are now damaged and hiding their memories of time at school this year.

I am sure my colleagues and I are the least popular Miss Marples talked about in the Board Room and staff management rooms of my old school.  But I think we are needed at the moment.  In writing this first I typed “I cannot bring myself, at the moment, to say the name of the school which has as its charge to “never forget the great benefits you have received”. Sadly they pale when compared to the pain inflicted over 50 years to some of my friends.” A commentator has suggested that I should name Christ’s Hospital in order that younger students from more recent times can know that we are trying to make a difference.

Post script – I have become more aware in the last few days of the pain which has been felt in the last few years as the revelations have come out from staff who taught me and whom I hold in great regard. The pain to them realising they have lived in a lie just as much as we have, and the pain on their family is also great. Those abusers have caused so much pain.

EdFringe Roundup – Blog 3

Over the first weekend I was supporting Musical Theatre Review running around catching a dozen new musicals which could be in line for the annual Musical Theatre Award. Head to for all the posted reviews by the various guest assessors in this early round.  Some of the work will go forward to Fiona Orr’s panel of judges for 2019 and, in time, there will be a shortlist of work which is highly recommended for many different reasons. I am so glad that the Awards we started in 2008 still offer new writers and new companies an assurance that they will be assessed and, where appropriate, celebrated.

For the last week I seem to have been seeing too many shows to have time to write about them, so I thought I’d offer a roundup of Week 1 focussing on some of those non musical works which I am enjoying talking about in queues and whenever I get asked. In alphabetical order…

Ariadna (C Aquila / Roman Lodge 11:55) – Alyona Ageeva’s PosleSlov  I caught up with this Russian company having seen Some Body last year   A company using the naked and draped human form to explore Greek myths through stylised tight repetitive forms which haunt you to add meaning, but still you into acceptance. It is partly distancing and partly engrossing. Go and explore one of the works and I’d love to hear what dance specialists think

Canary and the Crow ( Summerhall 19:50) – Middle Child   Daniel Ward, a charismatic storyteller, leads this company in a piece of theatre blending gig style, sounding, song, character creation and in the round atmospheric realisation to give us his story of growing up black in a white world, the privilege of the private/public school system, and connect into finding his path to being on stage and sharing the poem of The Canary and the Crow which has flown with him through life. It is angry and inspiring, challenging and uplifting. It is powerful musically driven theatre.

Conspiracy (Underbelly Cowgate 16:45) – Barrel Organ.  My first time seeing the work of the Barrel Organ collective of creative artists and I love a good conspiracy. Here I loved being taken into what felt like a well researched exploration of one iconic picture and the world from which it came, although it may all be made up around a lunchtime sandwich. The three artists challenge each other in a dangerous and rather joyful way and we touch on JFK, Princess Diana, Moon Landings, Area 51, JFK and 9/11 to enrich the core exploration.  So pleased to follow the producing career of Ellie Claughton and her Assistant Grace Dickson as they work on this as one of three companies they present at EdFringe and tour nationally.

Einstein ( Pleasance Cortyard 14:00) – Pip Utton   This is a gentle hour with a genius and a man so in love with science and his own ambition to uncover and invent that he has to reveal to us his deep flaws as a husband and father.  Pip is a deeply experienced monologue creator, engaging with us, guiding us through the science and life of the man. It is fitting that he is also presenting his show on Adolph Hitler which, if you have never seen it, is an unforgettable piece of theatre.

Moonbird (Pleasance Courtyard 10:30) – Handprint Theatre  I was so pleased to be part of a small but delighted audience for this bilingual completely enchanting piece of storytelling offered in BSL sign and spoken/written English. The small children in the front row relished the warmth of the welcome into the Handprint world, and the older children in the audience like me enjoyed the inner complexity of helping us understand what it is to be separated from one of our senses and the need to listen with all our available skills and from our hearts    You don’t need a child to see this company – but I will look forward to being in a buzzing full house at a school performance sometime.

Red Hour Glass (Storytelling Centre 18:00) – Alan Bissett   I am late to the party, this is my first chance to see one of Alan Bissett’s shows and I will catch up.  I just wonder how the chat went around a beer which led to Alan become a house spider and a tarantula, amongst others, in a research lab.  I am so glad this 2012 hit has returned to the festival, and I look forward to exploring more of his rich characterisations and warm storytelling.

Who Cares   (Summerhall 18:20) – Lung Theatre Company  This is necessary theatre at its best. Lung bring together many testimonies from young people who are carers for parents and siblings and fashion it into a piece of drama which hits hard and hits deep. Today they also launched a petition to seek changes from the Government which would support and require local authorities to do more for the thousands of young carers who are slipping through societies safety nets.  Do try and grab a ticket or just check out the production and their work for a future booking to your theatre, festival AND please sign the petition

Aliens, Zero-waste and self-care – EdFringe Blog 2

Greenhouse at Dynamic Earth / concept

The city of Edinburgh is packed with hundreds and thousands of tourists, performers and audiences for every manner of amazing free and paid, fringe and “official” work out there. I’m starting my week of reviewing for the Musical Theatre Review and so can’t use this blog to give my opinions on shows. But I can explore the spirit of the fringe as I am sniffing it out this year.

I must celebrate and champion you to head down to Dynamic Earth where a pop-up zero-waste theatre company are offering 7 shows a day in their zero-tec cosy theatre space.  You won’t find a flyer or poster anywhere for Boxed In Theatre and their Greenhouse space and so it is up to us to help them spread the word and help you to get to and other pages to buy their tickets.  When I visited to see a dress rehearsal of one show, the appreciative home crowd of friends and fellow company members were in a theatre which was being built around us. A sense of magic was being created and I hope the sun will shine on them.  They are also offering an innovative way to flyer on the high street – they tell me they will be there with buckets picking up unwanted flyers from the street whilst talking to customers about their shows. That is the way to engage and inspire.

Quick tips for myself (and others) this festival as I spend most of each day/eve moving from show to show.  Remember my keep-cup. It is a perfect cool water holder, and there are plenty of outlets now with jugs of water on the counter. Keep it filled up and no waste and good hydration.  Remember to eat. Make sandwiches or take in a salad. Carry an apple or two. Avoid spending £5-15 a day on just grabbing something from a take-away.   Keep some time in your diary just to sit down and enjoy watching the world go by. Pack a novel so you can read something completely different. Enjoy turning your phone off.  Keep writing blogs.

I have about 50 shows to see in between the workshops I’m running for Fringe Central and the work I’m doing in week 3 for the International Festival. When I have that schedule I may be able to fit in some more of my long list of “wish I could” shows. There are 45 of them still on the list.   So there will be some shows I just champion because of the skill of the flyer person to capture my imagination: 

“Do you believe in aliens?” is a great opening line. “Yes” says I. So I am the proud owner of a flyer for Portents by why this sky theatre company playing Bedlam at 15:30 until 15th August. I will probably not get there, but I have the flyer so, if you do or do not believe in aliens, maybe worth a look at this Arts Council England supported production in one of my favourite venues.

So yesterday was bagpipes, gospel, broadway, silly, deeply moving, powerful, Scottish, English, American, historical, contemporary and in the main presented by artists completely committed to giving us an experience which will move us through their storytelling.  Today will be another patch of delights, I hope.  I am always looking to be moved and to know that I needed to be in that theatre with that storyteller because it has changed me or delighted me in a very special way. I always enter a space hopeful.

From Russia with laughs -EdFringe 2019 / blog 1

Catching up for a gentle drink with my daughter at the Sekforde Arms in Clerkenwell last night we were corralled into an EdFringe preview by host Milo Edwards. I was tempted by the Russian comedian Ivan Yavits given my work with Perm. It was free and there was space.

There were three comedians on the bill opening with Ivan who was warm, welcoming, and played off the 50/50 Russian and English audience. I’d enjoy checking out The Russian Comedy Experience if I could find a slot in my diary.

The second comedian is also taking a show to Edinburgh but chose to use the Preview as an opportunity to try out new material, working away with his notepad to decide what he might use in the next show. So I can’t tell you anything about Luke McQueen: Bad except he did have one of the best oneliners (for his next show) in the evening. I won’t spoil it for you for 2020.

The headline act was Milo Edwards who is “famous in Russia” and definitely had the whole audience in deep belly laugh stitches. Anyone who has ever been to Russia, worked with Russians, or just loves to explore the differences between cultures should have a great time, and learn stuff.  We got most of his EdFringe 2019 show, Pindos, and I look forward to following him and his reviews.

Check them out. I will definitely be recommending it to my visiting Russian producers when they come for a scouting week.  No flyers there or biog material. I guess comedians don’t do that, but it is so so helpful if you expect us to shout about your shows without waiting to get back to the desk and googling you.  I even had to heckle each comedian just to get them to tell me when and where they were playing in Edinburgh.

Shame the bar was closed when we came out of the theatre space – surely that’s one of the ways a pub makes money. Hey ho. Got us home more quickly and saved us a round or two.

The invisibility cloak

This is a follow-up to my “Being Seen” blog of May 2019, and my annual suggestion blog on visibility. May I celebrate those who are preparing to arrive in Edinburgh for the Festival Fringe in the next few days.  So often I hear “I hate networking” or, as we are mid-festival, “no-one is noticing me”. So here is my quick suggestions of when, & when not , to wear the invisibility cloak.

There’s a balance between being a network master, an interesting person/show to be discovered, and a megaphone or over-pushy self-defeating champion of yourself and your show.  The magic is to think NOW exactly who are the right people who could/should know about and enjoy your show, and to get yourself in their shoes, walk their paths, and meet them on their ground.

Some quick suggestions:

  1. Do a quick character map of your ideal audience member – age, interests, reason for being in Edinburgh, where they might hang out, what artforms, shows and artform hubs they may be attracted to.
  2. Check Fringe Central programme and find any events where there are likely to be useful people to listen to, meet, talk with about your show.
  3. Have a suitable arsenal of material on-line, in your pocket, ready to pin-up, ready to share.  I’d have business cards if you can, with the show details. I’d have A6 flyers ready with email address and website info.

Now you know who you are looking for, where they might be, and you have material for them if you meet them.  Just re-check your (a) list above – it may be a mix of paying public, friends, student colleagues, promoters, press, die-hard lovers of your kind of artform, and people who love to see stuff at your time of day.

Some of those people may be walking the Royal Mile on the off chance that you will hand them a flyer – but that is the equivalent of “broadcast” marketing (see pic above). For every 1 perfect audience member you could be seeing a 100 or 1000 people pass you by enjoying the jugglers and looking for haggis or kilts.

  • Be forensic in where you look for your ideal (a) list audience. Think about their habits. Where are they 2hrs before your show, where are they the same time as your show 2 days before. Maybe, just maybe, the perfect person hasn’t booked a show yet at your time.
  • Be generous with each other and find another company who could shout out for you to the same perfect audience that has just enjoyed their amazing show, and then do the same for them.
  • Find the queues or groups of people doing what you think your kind of people might do, and sit/stand and chat to them. Don’t thrust a flyer in their hand. Ask “what kind of shows do you like?” “what have you seen, you’ve enjoyed?” – get a tiny conversation started.  Then, only then, tell them about your show…if they seem likely people.
  • Time your flyering, split your company (or get a friend from somewhere if you are a solo artist) and go have these conversations.

My sense is that on-line promotion is good for your show, and doing some digital networking is important, but that die-hard audiences are out on the street and in the theatres seeing stuff. They are not checking their mobiles for the latest twitter posts. Having said that….

  • Think when your audience might be home checking their emails and facebook. Maybe early morning, maybe late night.  Focus on what feels the right time and play with different times.
  • Who do you know who could “amplify” your “narrow-cast” focussed message to the right people. Who could champion your show to other like-minded folk.
  • And remember your audience who see the show today are potentially champions and amplifiers to future audiences. GIVE THEM A PROGRAMME as they leave the space. A small A6 piece of paper with the names of everyone involved in the show, an email address, website, and any hashtags you want to share.  They might take a moment to tell their facebook friends about the shows they saw – but only if they know the names and champion the facts/team/info.  Help them to help you.

And remember that Edinburgh Fringe audiences churn through the City every 2-3 days. It is a tiny minority of us who dedicate the month to seeing stuff. “And another hundred people just got off of the train”.  Well probably 1000 plus, and some of them may be your next tranche of perfect audience.

  • Never give up. What worked two days ago, and brought in new audience today, has to be repeated day after day after day.  Try new things, new times to find audiences, new places to target, new shows to buddy with.  You will probably never find the winning formula, but cumulatively you will make a difference.
  • Never say “oh its too late for that idea this year”. If it’s a good idea, find a way of trying it today or tomorrow at the latest.
  • Set yourself some realistic small achievable targets for each day. “I want two new people I don’t know to see the show tomorrow”.  Start small and feel some success along the way. [Now is not the time to worry about 40% capacity overall if you are playing to 10% now. Aim for 15% within 2-3 days. Don’t be overwhelmed by targets]

You can’t/shouldn’t rely on the venue or your flyering agent or your PR company or your best mate at home to solve your audiences challenges. You can reach out to all of them and re-visit and re-talk through your challenges at the moment. But YOU have to grab the initiative. The venue and the Fringe office are used to having these conversations. They can sometimes help to crack through with something – an idea, a piggyback opportunity, a contact, or just a cuppa.  And your best mate at home just might hop on a train, come up and help, sleep on your floor or in your bath. Or they might do a couple of hours online championing from their laptop at home.

My last blog talked of taking up space, being noticed. If you have brought your best work then there are people out there who want to find you. Don’t be invisible to them – they are still looking for the unexpected joyful surprise. 

Sometimes the invisibility cloak can be great. Do lots of listening to audiences as they mill around before the show in your queue, and as they walk out.  Go chat to people in other foyers of other theatres – you can’t flyer there, but you can chat to people.

Maybe you can get someone in the queue (that best mate or a friend from another show) to ask each member of the audience (i) why are they coming to see this show (ii) how did they hear about it and (iii) what else are they seeing.  Get your mate to do tiny thumbnail sketches of each person, or check them against your character map (a) list. Are you getting unexpected people in the audience ?  Why ? Go by your gut, but then talk to them ?

It is exhausting. It is exhilarating. You may get rained on or sun-kissed. 6 months ago you wrote 40 words of copy for a festival which seemed far far away. Now you are in the midst of the greatest circus on earth.  Take care of yourselves. Find a quiet garden, a wonderful view, a great walk, the perfect quiet teashop, or a single painting or museum exhibit you can sit and be calm with. Do yoga, meditate, eat fruit. Whatever it takes to keep up the joy.

[Written in a primary school in the Finnish village of Fiskars (see above) where the tech/dress for “Honey” by Tove Appelgren is in preparation in a Scottish premiere version with Sarah McCardie and translated/directed by Julian Garner. It heads to EdFringe on Monday as part of the Start to Finnish season to play Zoo Playground 16:30 (17:30) daily.  I am listening to the Spanish/Manchester sound designer creating and inputting sound cues. I can’t wait to watch this afternoon having read an early draft by Julian. “Honey, single mother…eleven disfunctional characters: one body” to edit their 40 words

Hiding in Plain Sight

I was having a session with a very wise friend and mentor this morning and we were exploring my current sense of discombobulation. I’m only shortly back from a month in Australia, the e-mails are firing on all cylinders,  I’m getting new project proposals underway and yet I have moments of feeling unseen.  I was sharing with her that my Blog is one way in which I choose to make myself visible, whilst also remaining very private.

Last night I was with a wonderful StageOne grad theatre producer who is working with me on making Producers’ Pool and CGO’s work more visible, which is wonderful, and she seemed bemused that I felt the need to get more underway when so much is happening already.

Something’s going on inside me which I will take the challenge to share and explore through this blog.  It clearly goes back a long way and I’ve always thought it was something to do with the need for money. I do so much on spec, so much where others tell me I must charge, so much where I invent something and then the next person gets a £big salary to run it. That’s my life.  But maybe my discombobulation comes from something else. Maybe it is something to do with being “valued”. More about being “not seen” rather than “not paid”.

For 40 years I’ve driven myself to make stuff happen, usually stuff which didn’t exist before. Lost in the mists of time are my involvement in creating the environment/spark which enables stuff to move forward in new ways – whether a new building, a new way of working with audiences, a new festival or the validation of an artform.  I’m at the time of my life where I am watching my old school-mates retire. Those who went into the city and hung up their ballet shoes or their hard-hats from the school theatre, are now banking their retirement as they sell their companies for, in some cases, millions. Now they can get back to doing a bit of theatre on the side. I didn’t take that path.

I went off and became a tea-boy, ran a theatre company, and took a crazy idea to the Arts Council who told me I was mad. [PS the idea is still valid and still in my head and still never been done, but it has shaped much of what I have done over my life]. Those who chose to join me on the theatre path have stayed on their upward trajectory rather than skipping around inventing new things. They now run the West End or are retiring from the very top jobs in theatre. I’ve chosen to stay in/on the fringes making small stuff happen which felt needed. Less pressure, more joy, but less recognition and money in the bank.

Now at 60 I’m a bit tired, moved to a new Country where I am not known, stopped teaching on a high visibility course, and spend a lot of time trying to get key gatekeepers to make decisions on ideas which I have bubbled and presented to them. One “yes” phone call will move me from tired to inspired, but all this solo pitching, waiting, and being unseen is hard.

My guide this morning asked me to explore back to when I first felt “not seen”. My immediate image was of two empty seats in a full house at the start of the 2nd half of Dr Faustus which I was company managing with a cast of 100+ at my school. I was 15. My mother and step-father had come to see the show, got bored, and left at the interval. I saw it in my mind this morning and got angry because I wanted them to be proud of me, to be seen, to be recognised for 8 weeks of work culminating in a stunning (in my eyes), dangerous (only ghost I’ve ever encountered) production of Marlowe’s amazing play.  

Now I wasn’t playing Faustus or Mephistopheles or the wonderous Helen of Troy. I wasn’t seeking validation through applause from an audience. In fact that is always something I shy away from. I am not a performer or showman. I am a shy creator of ideas, projects, and opportunities. Yes I can stand up and teach. I can make curtain speeches to 900 people asking for money for a theatre. But I don’t attract applause.  But when the right people notice that is very important to my wellbeing.

This is not a misery-blog, Far from it. It is a revelatory one to me. I know I have to balance the on-line presence which makes people say “wow you are so busy” with the reality that I have many irons in the fire, and at the moment it is mainly awaiting gatekeepers to turn it into paid employment.  In moving to Edinburgh I knew it was going to take time to re-group as a freelancer. Yes I am very busy through to August with planning 3 chinese delegations, working for a few days for the International Festival, and completing a major project for Stagescripts. But my dance-card is ready for your approaches from September.

So I was asked to write about the “phases of being seen” and this slight splurge of thoughts seeks to touch on 2-3 areas. The need for face-to-face acknowledgement and validation to help me know that I am seen, by the right people.  The need to find ways in my own control to be visible – such as my blogs and doing networking. The requirement to identify what I need – to be seen, not just paid.  And then to find ways in networking events and social settings to be slightly more visible by my own actions – not least so that people know that I do need, as a freelancer, to work until…well until I get my state pension.

19 years ago I met an amazing woman on a blind-date. She reflected on that when we were in Australia and how she nearly left me very early on. She was horrified when I challenged whether anything that happened in my very happy childhood had any effect on my current life.  She hung-on-in-there.  My work as a coach and support for so many extraordinary explorers of personal growth have made me aware that, yes, young Master Grady needs attention/care from his older self. I am fascinated to be reading “Waking The Tiger” by Peter Levine…and to be blessed to be having deep emotional conversations with my own mentor by skype and in person, helping to check-in on my child within.  He is hiding in plain sight…I’ve just not noticed him enough…until now.